saysoycheese

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2011-12-16T18:34:00.000-06:00

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Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T00:01:00.002-06:00

Self Portrait In Blue

2010-01-30T20:15:00.000-06:00

January 29, 2010

At first I just thought I looked skinny.

My Vision: I see a chess piece - a Knight. Or a rocking horse (without the rocker).

What do you see?

The Truth Is Out There

2010-01-30T20:08:00.002-06:00

January 28, 2010

While I was walking yesterday I saw this and couldn't get the image out of my head - so I went back.

My Vision. I still have no idea why all these sticks are there. They have too blunt of a cut to be fallen branches. There's no sign of paint to make them markers of any kind. Maybe they are the Midwest's version of crop circles. Where are Scully and Mulder when you need them?

What do you see?

Maybe I Just Liked It

2010-01-30T19:56:00.000-06:00

January 27, 2010

My Vision: I just liked the view. I could try to be deep and say something about the reflective quality of the glassy stream but it's really not what drew my eye. I like that it's white and brown - so I guess it's a warm black and white. But I really just like the "painting" quality to the scene.

What do you see?

River Bling

2010-01-30T19:52:00.000-06:00

January 26, 2010

Walking in Pheasant Branch Park is quite relaxing for me - even when it's cold and icy. Lately with the fluctuation in the temperature I find a different stream every time I'm there.

My Vision: I saw the crystal strands that hang from a chandelier. I guess even Mother Nature likes a bit of bling.

What do you see?

Remains Of The Past

2010-01-27T21:36:00.001-06:00

January 25, 2010

Still cold but mild for January. Maybe the green grass I found yesterday means an early spring?

My Vision: In the ice on the foot path I saw an archeological dig. I saw cave drawings, remains of ancient plant life and the foot prints of early man.

What do you see?

Signs Of Life

2010-01-27T21:09:00.000-06:00

January 24, 2010

I complained the other day that nothing was alive. My dad told me I wasn't looking hard enough. Today I went looking for signs of life. I thought it would take longer.

My Vision: In this small patch of green grass I saw it is possible to triumph after devastation. Victory over adversity.

What do you see?

2010-01-26T21:17:00.000-06:00

January 23, 2010

I went out today looking for a painting. There was an image trying to form in my head and all I needed to do was go out and find it. Easier said than done most days. But as I walked along trying not to slip on the ice - I looked up and the painting found me.

My Vision: These two boys couldn't have been chattier as they walked. What I saw in these two boys was a memory of my brother Mike. We used to walk to and from school every day as kids. I remembered never having a moment where we weren't planning something or trying to figure out we were going to get out of the latest mess we were in together. He always had an idea. It was rarely good. Just ask him about setting the field on fire. (Stop crying now Mom).

What do you see?

Finding my yin yang

2010-01-26T21:06:00.000-06:00

January 22, 2010

My Vision: As I stood on this wooden bridge I looked left and then right and found two completely different streams. One side was calm and reflective and the other vigorous and alive. What I saw around me while standing the middle on this bridge was me.

What do you see?

Your path is not your own

2010-01-26T20:56:00.000-06:00

January 21, 2010

I apologize for the delay in posting my daily photos. Things got a little busy here in the studio. But I'm back! I will catch up in the next couple of days so get ready for "Mary Vision Overload".

My Vision: I went for a walk in the woods hoping to clear my head. I was alone and it was quiet and peaceful. When I looked up from the icy path under my feet I felt confused. Had I veered from the path and was now walking on the road? Sadly I realized that even a walk in the woods was not something I controlled. Even on a lonely path I was being told which way to go and how to get there.

What do you see?

2010-01-20T21:05:00.000-06:00

January 20, 2010

I've been looking at this image every day for the last two and a half years. Every day I say to myself, "Why do I see a person?"

My Vision: I see Lego People. And it makes me want to build something.

What do you see?

Did he fire six shots or only five ...

2010-01-19T17:58:00.000-06:00

January 19. 2010

I saw the sun rise today. It caused me considerable pain.

My Vision: Considering my post from yesterday - I would have to agree.

What do you see?

2010-01-18T19:41:00.000-06:00

January 18, 2010

This image is nothing new to Madison. However tonight I looked at it from a different perspective. I looked at it as the homeless man on the lawn of the capitol building - cuddled up under a piece of cardboard. His belongings fitting neatly into the shopping cart he had within arms reach. I looked up at the warped reflection of this majestic building and saw how ridiculous it is to have a man homeless and freezing only steps away from a place meant "for the people". This ridiculousness was then compounded as I drove home -past the bars frequented by so many of the University of Wisconsin students. How ridiculous to know that if 20 students gave up one night of drinking they could provide shelter for this man for a month. And to add that final straw to the ridiculous pack on that infamous camel's back - these same 20 students will be the one's complaining the loudest about how cold they are having to wait a few minutes to enter the bar. I wish I were in a position to help this man tonight. I really do.

My Vision: I saw inhumanity. I saw the American dream as the nightmare it is for some people.

What do you see?

Mr. Salty

2010-01-17T17:33:00.000-06:00

January 17, 2010

Kind of misty today. I noticed that some of the trees looked frost covered but it didn't feel cold enough for that. Some were covered so thickly that they looked like huge heads of cauliflower.

My Vision: I have been staring at this photo for the last thirty minutes and I just can't put my finger on what it reminds me of. My first thought was salt on a pretzel. Something is trying to take shape in my brain but it fizzles before it becomes clear. For now I guess I see a salted pretzel.

What do you see?

Floral Rorschach

2010-01-16T15:46:00.000-06:00

January 16, 2010

I really needed to find colour today. Oh the snow can be pretty - but after a few weeks it has ceased to be appealing to me anymore. It wasn't easy to find but I did. I found it in an actual living plant - not in a bunch wrapped in plastic. This made me very happy.

My Vision: I see faces in flowers. No matter what type of flower it is - I see a face.

What do you see?

Snow job

2010-01-15T15:54:00.000-06:00

January 15, 2010

I'm feeling really optimistic about the year ahead. It's been a long, hard road for more than a few of us but for the first time in while - I see that light at the end of the tunnel. I think that when times are tough - that's when you see what people are made of. Sometimes it's better than you could ever imagine - sometimes it's not. I hope that my path has been graceful, dignified and above all else - honest.

My Vision: In this snow bank I saw that the surface of things is not always what's underneath. In some cases what we see on top does not even come close to the beauty that lies below. Other times the surface shines for a while but eventually the hidden truth will rise up and be seen. I see that eventually this ugly, dirty mound will melt and no one will ever remember it existed. Part of me just wants to help speed the process and stomp on it.

What do you see?

Photographer Barbie

2010-01-14T15:58:00.000-06:00

January 14, 2010

Mood today upon waking - dismal. Mood right now - hopeful. Not because I won the lottery but because of a random conversation with a stranger named Larry. We chatted about a million and one things and each time the subject changed the grumpiness I felt dissipated. We talked about business, art, being vegan, positive visualization, music and hope. After all that could be said was said he asked me one question. "When you think of your best year in business - what do you see?"

My Vision: I saw Barbie. Crazy as it is - this is the image that came to mind. When I think of the best year in business I had to think back to how I got to that year. It started as a little girl playing Barbies with my sister. It was because of those endless sessions in the basement that I came to believe I could do anything and accomplish every thing I dreamed possible. And later, during that stellar year in business - I rediscovered Barbie. I also found I had some talent for sewing and designing. I started creating these wonderful clothes hoping another little girl would begin to imagine her own possibilities. When I look at this Barbie I see not only the best year in business - I see my future "best years in business".

What do you see?

I'm so over the winter

2010-01-13T16:20:00.000-06:00

January 13, 2010

Let me first begin by saying that I'm in a really good mood today. Nothing major happened just a few more ducks were put in a row. When I left to take my photo I decided I needed to capture my good mood. That did not happen. Traffic was congested and the sun was in a position that made it impossible to see what was ahead of me. I'm sad to say the sun and traffic irritated me so much that I just turned around and drove back to the studio. All I wanted was some sign of life that would say "today's a good day". But there was nothing but dirty snow, an endless stream of cars and the blinding sun. When I entered the studio (good mood replaced with bad mood) I saw my shot.

My Vision: This plant represents my environment. There's this bit of green (other wise known as pine trees which are not the most attractive as far as vegetation goes) and above it - nothing but sticks. The cold metallic pot that surrounds it is the snow. I look at what's left of my orchid and see exactly what I see when I look outside - snow and sticks. A flowering plant would be so wonderful right now.

What do you see?

Be careful what you wish for

2010-01-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

January 12, 2010

Technically I am cheating with today's photo. I did not shoot it today - it was taken on Sunday while I was working with a friend to help build her portfolio. The session was set up to capture her professional skills as a hair dresser/makeup artist to present to a future employer. As I was working a picture started to form in my mind. At the very end of the shoot I asked the model if she would be willing to help me take this concept from my head and make it real.

My Vision: I saw the allure of fame and the aftermath of its reality. Fifteen minutes of fame creating nothing because there was nothing there from the start. The excess of wealth without social purpose. I saw what so many people think will make them happy turning into what destroys them. I saw what greed, envy and power really look like.

What do you see?

Signs, signs, every where are signs

2010-01-11T15:30:00.000-06:00

January 11, 2010

Guess what? Another cold day in Madison Wisconsin. Maybe this blog will give those of you in warmer climates a true understanding of what we here in the tundra see every day for four months.

My vision: I saw this sign many times during the summer while out shooting graduation portraits. Five months ago this sign meant something. Today when I walked down the path I looked at it and laughed. No lifeguard on duty? No kidding. I paused for a minute to reflect on some of the other things that meant something long ago (or not so long ago) but are totally irrelevant in my life today. Was it time to pull them up and replace them with something else? If something was true a year ago does it have to be true today? Maybe this could be the year of replacing irrelevancies.

What do you see?

The Past has passed

2010-01-10T18:36:00.000-06:00

January 10. 2010

I really wish I were a poet.

My Vision: I see holding on to the past freezes the present and prevents the future. The leaves still clinging to the tree represent the past. In the horizon I see spring trying to bring life but having no where to put it with the past still lingering. In the frozen water I see life void of movement - confined, bound. In the golden hues of the tree I see the warmth of a heart still beating even when surrounded by the blues of life.

What do you see?

2010-01-09T18:26:00.000-06:00

January 9, 2010

I left the studio thinking I was going for a drive in the country. No where in my mind did I think I would end up hiking through the woods in a foot of untouched snow. Or I would have put on some boots. The chucks did not do well.

My Vision: I saw this song. I saw humanity's struggle. I saw one person step up and fight for what is right regardless of the outcome. I knelt down in the snow and saw 18" of stick man raise his fists and stand up to oppression. Who will step forward and who will run? I for one am no runner.

Behind Closed Doors by Rise Against

Chairs thrown and tables toppled,
Hands armed with broken bottles,
Standing no chance to win but,
We're not running, we're not running.

There's a point I think we're missing,
It's in the air we raise our fists in,
In the smiles we cast each other,
My sister, my brother.

About the time we gave up hoping
We'd ever find these locks still open,
Stumbling on stones unturned,
The hurt we feel, we all have earned.

The lines we cross in search of change,
but all they see is treason.

Although we have no obligation to stay alive
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive
(Break out) I won't be left here
Behind closed doors.

Bonfires burn like beacons,
Guiding the lost and weakened.
Flames dance on crashing waves,
Guiding ships who've gone astray

Time out, let's stop and think this through,
We've all got better things to do,
Than talk in circles, run in place,
Answers {are} inches from our face.

Although we have no obligation to stay alive
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive
(Break out) I won't be left here
Behind closed doors.

Black eyes, broken fingers,
Blood drips and I let it run
down my lips into my swollen gums.
When hope is non-existent,
Our instincts all scream "Run",
We never turn our backs or even bite our tongues.

Although we have no obligation to stay alive
On broken backs we beg for mercy, we will survive
(Break out) I won't be left here
Behind closed doors.

What do you see?

Peace at the end of the day

2010-01-08T18:36:00.000-06:00

January 8, 2010

The one good thing about winter is what you see once all the clutter of plant life has disappeared.

My Vision: Okay this is the second planter I've shot this week. I just can't help being drawn to them now that I can see them. This one made me think of the people responsible for creating the beautiful things we see all day long. Whether it's a gorgeous table, an intricately designed piece of jewelry or a photograph - the end result is really all we "see". We never see the master woodcarver or the make-up artist responsible for the artwork. When I saw this container I got a glimpse of the person that created it. I imagined them at the end of their day closing the door to their shop - pausing briefly to look up at the sign over the door bearing their name. A satisfied smile forming - almost invisible to everyone but the artist herself. I saw the peace I feel every time I create something beautiful.

What do you see?

Seeing the light

2010-01-07T17:47:00.000-06:00

January 7, 2010

More snow fell today. I had a busy day in the studio so I wasn't able to get out before losing daylight. However I was able to look out of my front window and find an old lesson from Lighting 101 - Colour Temperature. Without going into a lengthy lecture - one of our first assignments as budding professionals was to observe and capture light at various times of the day. By using and manipulating the colour temperature of light I can create or evoke an emotional response to my photographs. Being conscious of lighting quality is now part of who I am and how I see the world. Just for fun take a look at the lights in the room you are sitting in right now. Are they warm or cool?

My Vision: When I looked outside I saw how I feel at this very moment. The side of me that is closest to my space heater feels like the light from lamp post - golden hued and toasty. The side of me away from the much beloved heater feels like the light reflected from the snow - icy blue and (buzz word for the current season) FRIGID. I am very much looking forward to the colour temperature of summer.

What do you see?

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2010-01-06T19:25:00.000-06:00

January 6, 2010

I went out today with a completely different photo in mind. But as with most things in my life - what I set out to do and what I end up doing are two different things. However there was a common idea between the two today. I originally set out looking for a tree - it just wasn't the tree I "saw".

As I drove down the streets of Madison I saw all these trees laid out on the curb. Some were big, some small - some still had tinsel clinging to the branches. As I passed all these trees I felt as though the remains of the Christmas Spirit had been laid out for the wake. The holiday season had passed.

I continued to look around and noticed all the lights were down and the decorations packed away for next year. There seems to be this unspoken rule that this all has to happen the week after New Years Day. And heaven help you if you're the last one on the block to take them down or want to leave them up all year round. That's just not right! It's not right to want to hang on to the happy feeling the holidays give to most of us. It's not right to let that feeling of joy and goodwill toward man last any longer than the one week between December 25th and January 1st. It's just not done!

Maybe that's what's wrong with humanity. It's only allowed to happen 7 out the 365 days in the year. After that, you're just a weirdo.

What do you see?

Bringing back the piano tie

2010-01-05T18:39:00.000-06:00

January 5, 2010

I have driven past this building for many years but never really looked too closely at it. Today I saw something surprising. Nothing momentous or thought provoking about it - I just saw something different.

My vision: I saw the keys of a piano.

What do you see?

The voice of an angel

2010-01-04T17:39:00.000-06:00

January 4, 2010

WHY? Anyone that's ever spent any amount of time with a child knows the frustration these three letters can cause. Why is the sky blue? Why can't I jump in puddles? Why do I have to go to sleep? Why? Why? Why??? When you're a kid you never run out of things to question or ways to question what is in front of you. As an adult you never run out of reasons to say "I can't". I can't .. you can't .. it can't be ....Whether the "can not" is true or not in the present moment - every "can't" traces back to when we received an answer to the "why". Some where in our childhoods someone told us "you can't do that" and you started to accept it as truth.

Someone once said to me, "You can't sing". As a child I accepted this as truth and did not sing in front of people. Now as adult, I wholeheartedly disagree. I think I sing like an angel. Perhaps the real issue here is not whether I can sing like an angel but what an angel singing sounds like to you.

My vision: When I saw the determination on the face of this cherub I saw my own face as a child. Yes, reverse psychology worked on me. If you told me I couldn't - I'd prove you so wrong you never found right again. Now as an adult I'm am continually told "you can't do that". And as of yet no one as ever given me an intelligent, reasonable answer to "why can't I?" In that little cherub's face I saw so many trailblazers in history, technology and art say "Oh yeah? Just watch me do it!"

What do you see?

Magnificent desolation

2010-01-03T18:21:00.000-06:00

January 3, 2010

My mission today was very clear. I knew exactly where I was going and what I needed to do once there. One quick lap around the "Sea of Tranquility" and I was heading for home. I felt confident that the shot being would accurately convey what I saw. As I drove off I realized something. I have been setting out on my photo safaris with a specific song playing to help inspire my vision. I firmly believe that we must always have the appropriate soundtrack playing at each and every moment of our lives - or as I see them "movies". Today I thought the song was selected at random. It just popped into my head after starting the car. Until today I never realized how deeply connected my photography is to music.

My vision: Alone on a path - nothing but cold silence around me. I feel as though I'm the only living thing on the planet. The snow glistens in front of me and as I make my way over the untouched surface it feels like I'm walking on sugar. I pause and look around. It's so quiet I feel as though I may have gone deaf. The snow so bright it's blinding to the unprotected eye. The air so impossibly cold I have to raise my scarf to protect my face. I looked out over the powdery surface of the planet and have a better sense of what it was like taking that first step on the moon.

What do you see? The song playing was Gravity by Cesium_137. My original shot is below. If you really want to see something cool look at the actual photo of the first step on the moon here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_11

My form of synesthesia

2010-01-02T16:05:00.000-06:00

January 2, 2010

Where would my vision take me today? As I headed out the door I really had no idea where I was going. My initial thought was State Street but as I drove down University Avenue it just didn't feel right. I decided I would listen to my inner voice and turn where it said turn and stop where it said stop. As I listened to one of my favourite songs (Cities of Night by Blaqk Audio) I began to actually see the song. That inner voice said turn and I found myself in the parking lot outside the Memorial Union. Lake Mendota lay frozen in front of me as I ventured out to find my shot. As I wrapped the camera strap tightly around my wrist I looked up at the brilliant blue sky and saw the song and the photo. And then I walked away. Surely it wasn't going to come that easy.

My trek along the solid water of Lake Mendota ended abruptly. Even though the shot was behind me I felt as though it was right there in front of me - blocking my path. It called to me and forced my return.

My vision: This is what I see when I hear this song.

What do you see? I've posted the original shot to give you a jumping off point.

The most hopeful day of the year.

2010-01-01T20:04:00.000-06:00

January 1, 2010

Since deciding to do this project I have done nothing but think about all the photographs I will be taking for the next 365 days. The mental pictures started mounting up and I could not wait to get started. When the magical day finally dawned (today) I had a total brain freeze and was unable to find one of these ideas that would work on such a cold, frosty day. In addition to the weather conditions I also felt a bit intimidated by my own project. What one photo would be interesting enough to capture the attention of my soon to be "subscribers"? What photo could possibly convey how I felt on this momentous day? Seriously what was I thinking when I started this whole thing?

When I thought about what I felt was coming in the next year the photo presented itself. I went to one of my favourite places and crossed my fingers that the exact image I mentally pictured was there waiting for me. As I walked down the snowy path my gloved fingers crossed and I held my breath. A smile flashed as I rounded the bend. This was indeed a magical start to a hopeful year.

My vision: In the creek I saw a battle. Life struggling to free itself from oppression. In some areas the ice was thick and impenetrable and in other areas thin or non-existent. I saw bubbles skirt along under the ice and peak through in spots. And in places when all those bubbles got together they broke through that frigid barrier and formed rapids and waterfalls. In those few moments I saw a single bubble die, a few others gasp for air and one thousand burst forth to take back their creek!

What do you see?

Chasing my own tail

2009-12-13T16:23:00.000-06:00

Okay so my attempt at blogging in 2009 was not the success I had hoped it would be. I could list the reasons but there are too many and they are too lame to mention. Let's keep a long story short and say that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I spent a year of my life feeling purposeless - unable to focus on the problems at hand and how to solve them. Or if I really and truly wanted to solve them.

The other night I watched one of the cats chase her tail in a frenzy of determination. Although I marveled that at one point she problem solved and changed the direction of her pursuit - she still looked like a lunatic chasing her own tail. She ended up dizzy - without ever catching what she was chasing. After she sat still for a moment and took a deep breath she was finally able to reach down and calmly bite her own tail.

Recently I decided to stop chasing my tail. When the room stopped spinning and I caught my breath I realized that I wasn't alone and I had many wonderful people waiting to step in and help me get back on track. The most liberating moment of my life came when I acknowledged that I couldn't do it all - and accepted that it was okay. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to accept help. I CAN'T DO IT ALL MYSELF!! Woohoo does that feel awesome!

Things have started to change for the better. I still have moments where I feel defeated but I can handle them. I'm more happy than unhappy now. I feel a little less scared that the people in my life will find out that I'm a fraud. That cat is definitely out of the bag and oddly enough - my friends and family are closer than ever.

2010 is approaching. 18 days until I embark on this year's project. Other than what I shoot for the studio I will take a moment from each day and take one photograph. Not multiple shots of the same image trying to get it right eventually. I will shoot one frame. My goal for this project is to document that which I see. To give the people I share this moment in time with a true look inside my mind. It is my hope that they will then understand my "why". It is my hope that at the end of this project I will understand my "why". A picture is worth a thousand words. I sincerely hope this is true.

I turn a cold shoulder to Average

2009-04-08T19:04:00.000-05:00

"Average is correct." Recently my Dad heard of a study that determined this statement to be true by using a jar of gumballs. Each participant was asked to guess how many gumballs were in the jar. Some were way over and some were ridiculously under - not one person guessed the exact number correctly. However the number they found when they averaged all the guesses was almost exactly right. Therefore they deemed "average is right".

My Dad argued that extremes on either side were not correct and should therefore submit to the average. I argued that without the extremes the average could not be obtained or exist. He then pointed out that if extremes were allowed - not only would Republican conservatives have to be tolerated but so would terrorists. He then placed people with tattoos in with the "extremists". In his mind, this type of expression is for drunken sailors. While I'm no sailor nor am I ever drunken - I do have quite a few tattoos. We fell short of an agreement on average being right but I think I planted a seed that maybe average is not the new black.

After my Dad left I started to think about his feelings on tattoos and how he incorporated them into the study. I am left wondering why he feels this is so wrong. I get that we are from different generations and all. But he was so stuck on that fact that they are permanent and what if you change your mind later? You can't remove a whole armful of ink. True. But I have never once thought about removing any of my tattoos. Each one means so much to me and I can't imagine ever looking down and not seeing them. It would be like losing a limb.

I guess what makes me think the most about my conversation with my Dad is where his feelings place me in regard to "average being right". In his mind - although I know he loves me and genuinely likes me as a person - I am out there in fringe with the extremists.

It could be worse. I could be average.

Just when I think I can't be shocked

2009-02-17T11:04:00.000-06:00

As I'm sitting here in my place of business I have once again been shocked by the sheer cluelessness that some people possess. We are in a recession. My business is not doing well right now. I am on pins and needles every day wondering if this is the day it all collapses. And now this.

Some punk in flip flops, an army jacket and a huge paper cup from Taco Bell just entered my studio. When I ask him what I can do for him he replies, "Oh I'm just looking at your stuff." I ask him if he's a photographer. He says, "Yes. A friend of my family asked me to take pictures at their wedding. So I'm just here to get some ideas."

So you were hired to shoot a wedding and are unqualified to do so -so you've come to my studio to steal my ideas. F*&^%$#. Seriously where do people get off doing stuff like this?

First off - just because you have a camera it does not make you a photographer. What makes you a photographer is the ability to manipulate light and create/arrange composition. The difference between you and me is that you shoot what's there - otherwise known as a snap shot. You will put everything on a disk and be done with it. A photographer will provide what is known as a PRINT. Without a printed image - you don't have a photograph. Without a photograph you aren't a photographer. So take you're big gulp and nasty flip flops and go rip off someone else. My talent and skills are not here for you to take.

Yeah nothing like a morning rant to get your day going in a positive direction. Generally I am a decent person. I try to help up and coming photographers. I believe that there is room for everyone that has the desire and talent to enter the field. I just can't believe that someone thought that it was okay to come into my studio and point blank tell me he was there to steal my ideas. I don't know if it's just that he's stupid or that he has the biggest set of balls on earth.

Breaking Edge

2009-02-13T20:47:00.000-06:00

I won't bother with discussing the difference between being straight edge (sXe) and just abstaining from alcohol, drugs and smoking. Let's just say that I'm sXe and go from there.

If I follow the alleged rules of breaking edge by not removing myself from the situation where a contact high/ingestion/whatever was possible - then I indeed broke edge last night. As I was leaving the club I had to walk through the rather dense gathering of smokers on the patio. Unfortunately I had no other way to exit the club so I was forced to penetrate the cloud to get to my car. As I turned to say something to my friend a female turned around and exhaled her nasty, stinking, disgusting smoke into my face. Which would have been bad enough on it's own however I was also in the process of inhaling - or as some call it - breathing. It was as if I had taken a nice, big drag off that cigarette myself. I coughed and gagged all the way to the car.

So technically I have broken edge. I hate that *%$#@ and all her kind. It was such a great show that to end the evening and my happy mood by some drug addicts need to suck tar and nicotine into their once healthy lungs is a crime. Maybe someday they will actually enforce the laws requiring a certain distance be maintained from the entrances to buildings. Maybe someday addicts will no longer be a black mark on society or my lungs.

Oooh shiny!

2009-01-21T16:47:00.000-06:00

Every generation has a name - Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y. I've decided to name the current group "The Shiny Metal Object Generation". They find one shiny thing and say "oh this is the shiniest object ever!" Two minutes later they find another and that object is deemed the shiniest. Hey I like a nice shiny object as much as the next person but I have limits. I draw the line when it comes to all the online "wonder sites" that claim to be the next best thing to being there.

Remember way back in the day when email was revolutionary? Yeah - I do too. We thought this would be the end of the post office and we'd never have to lick another stamp (and then they made self-adhesive stamps woohoo!). Then came instant messaging, MySpace, Facebook, Blogger This and Blogger That, message boards, chat rooms and more. It seems that every time I boot up the computer someone is trying to follow me some where. Aren't there laws against this kind of thing? Wouldn't we all be creeped out and scared shitless if someone popped up from the bushes and exclaimed "I'm following you"? Why is it so THRILLING to get a message from a stranger telling us they are following us on Twitter?

I think our "comfort" lies in the knowledge that cyber space exists but then again doesn't exist. It's not a place we can physically go to or touch. Our comfort is based in the idea that even though someone is "following us" all over the internet we can lose them in one simple move - by turning off the computer. Real life stalkers are not that easy to ditch.

Most of the people around me know that I love the internet. I spend a lot of time there. And they all try to get me to join them on their shiny site of the day. I've joined a few but for the most part I stick to a select few. I don't need to have up to the minute details of what they are drinking or that the sky was the most stunning azure at that very moment. I don't have enough time to waste on that minutia. Seriously I wouldn't be able to muster up enough interest in your new socks if you were actually sitting next to me showing me the stupid socks. I DON'T CARE!

Tell me something worth listening to and I will actually close all the other windows on my computer and talk with you. Remember what that's called? A conversation. I may even smile - not :) or laugh - not lol. And what the hell ever happened to using the telephone to actually talk?

I know I'm starting to sound like those old people that snub every bit of technology that isn't a string connecting two tin cans. I do love the internet and all of its beautiful shiny opportunities. I just don't want to have to join 3352002355113 sites just to talk to my friends and family. So stop trying to get me to join they newest shiny site and just call me on the phone. If you don't know my number..there's probably a good reason for that.

Sending stuff to the universe

2009-01-17T19:45:00.000-06:00

The other night I went home and started discussing a contest that I had recently entered. If you don't know this by now - and I'm sure that my one and only follower does - I am a big fan of the band AFI. No I'm not a fangirl but I am a girl that's a fan. So I made this video - me in 2 minutes or less and posted it on the site. My hope is to win a trip for 2 to California and sing on their next album. I'm not much of a singer (outside of the car) but I do think it would be a fun experience.

"They posted the 2nd winner. I'm never gonna win." I said while taking off my coat at home.

"Don't say that! If you send negativity out to the universe that's all you will get back!" My best friend/roommate shouted back at me.

She feels VERY strongly in the power of the universe to aid in fulfilling our hopes and dreams. She also believes in a higher power. I'm not a believer in the latter but the universe thing intrigues me. Not because I think the universe is really answering but I do think there's something to the power of positive thinking. So last night as I tossed and turned I gave it a try.

"Universe! I will book 2 weddings by the end of January! I am a talented photographer and people would love for me to photograph their weddings! Also this is the end of the dark days of Mary. 2009 will bring success for the studio! No more bad things will happen to me! Universe do you hear me? I deserve some happy shit to happen to me!" I repeated this many times until I fell asleep.

Well today was a good day. My car actually started after two days of frigid cold and walking to work. I had a pretty good order placed for family portraits and a bride called to set up an appointment to order photos. Not ready for early retirement but I feel pretty good about the future of my business. I also had a lovely conversation with a friend from England and a very dear friend stopped by to see me. We laughed quite a bit and I realized that we have an inside joke. Inside jokes are the best. See - I just thought of it and I laughed again. FOR REAL! Hahaha good stuff.

Long story short (I know - too late) I am going to start working on sending out positive thoughts to the universe. I can wallow in my darkness (which really isn't darkness compared to the things a lot of people go through) or I can make each day the best it can be.

Universe! I will win this contest and I will sing with AFI in warm, sunny California! Right after I book 2 weddings....

Ode to my gym

2009-01-10T19:31:00.000-06:00

I belong to a gym and I never get to work out. Pretty standard for a lot of people that join gyms. You go like your life depended on it (for some that is not just a figure of speech) and then start to taper off. Eventually the gym becomes this random monthly charge on your statement that you grumble about but have to pay because you signed a contract.

This is not entirely the case with me. I want to work out but can't seem to shake the pneumonia I think I have. I can take a deep breath without a very dainty coughing fit following or the lovely sound of gurgling in my chest cavity. I'm hoping that I can shake this crud soon.

The worst part of the whole thing is not that I can't work out. It's that I work part-time at the gym and don't get to work out. I know the personal trainers are starting to talk about me. I know my tush is getting softer by the minute. I have all these fabulous machines to help firm and shape and all that I have to show for being here is an increase in my wing span (otherwise known as my upper arms). This can't be my body. I worked too hard to end up back in fat pants and long sleeved shirts.

I'm giving my lungs one more day to clear and then it's go time. Whether they choose to come along for the ride is up to them.

2009-01-08T15:41:00.000-06:00

This whole blogging thing is not easy. And I feel a bit stupid writing this when the only person that really knows about it is someone I chat with quite frequently. So what do I have to say that's new?

The other day this same friend and I were chatting about things that reduce a cluttered mind. She suggested that when I am trying to fall asleep I should ask my brain to help me dream of a way to solve a problem. That night I settled in and said, "Brain help me figure out a way to solve my revenue issue at the studio". I tried to relax and kept repeating the sentence - hoping for some help. It didn't happen.

What happened is that it opened up many new questions that I stressed over in addition to the items I already had. What if I asked my brain for help and it didn't respond? What if my brain did respond but it did so in Italian? I don't speak Italian so I would never get the help I was asking for in the first place. And what if my brain did provide answers in a dream but when I woke up I didn't remember the dream? So at 3am I was stressing over money, learning Italian and ways to remember my dreams. Ugh.

The one bit I'm hesitant to mention is probably the thing I'm most curious about. While repeating my request for brain help I uttered something I haven't said in a long time. Instead of "brain help me..." I made a mental typo and said "god help me...". Don't even start saying that maybe I need to take a second look at my belief in a higher power. Maybe subconsciously I believe I am the higher power. Or maybe it was my brain's way of saying it was god. Maybe the ultimate battle of good and evil is going on between my ears and I'm just here to transport it from battleground to battleground. Ugh. More to stress about tonight....

The art of self expression

2009-01-04T18:01:00.000-06:00

The year of the blog. Every year instead of making a resolution I find something new to either try or study. 2009 will see me trying to blog. I have pretty strong opinions but always welcome discussion.

Let's do this.